Mystery Topic Challenge #4

Okay, I am standing there right after the evening gown portion of the Mystery Topic Challenge and I lick my vaselined teeth. I am smiling ear to ear as I perch at my blog with my long tresses cascading around my alabaster shoulders. All eyes are on me as the panel of MTC guest judges, led by current champion Mr. President, say,

"Well, Miss SB, if you were President/Prime Minister for a day with the power to do absolutely anything, what would you do?"

I stand up straight thrusting my breasts forward and pronounce, "I would let there be world peace."

WAIT A DARN MINUTE...NO I WOULDN'T. Because if I used my omnipotent day to create world peace the fools who came back into power on the day after my presidency would totally screw it up. What would be the point?

No, if I were given any power it would be to make the world get a clue - get smarter if you will. I would want whatever change I made to last, and not for my personal glory. I would want it to last so things got better for the long haul. Here's how I'd do it:

1. Everyone in the world would get educated instantly and then use that education to learn about the people they are voting for. Hell, if everyone actually paid attention to politics I doubt any of the current systems would stand.


2. All those now-enlightened folks would see that the world is beautiful and fragile and needs to be taken care of. Overnight, sun and wind power would be our main sources of energy and every Hummer on Earth would be parked, gutted and the pieces recycled to make irrigation systems.


3. All of the previously misnamed "supporters of life" would start to value all life, even after a person is born! In a flash senior citizens would be respected and given the food and medicine they need; all the kids with auto immune diseases and at-birth drug addictions would be adopted as would all foster children; homes that had been taken away in droves through foreclosures would be turned into rent-to-own dwellings that people who are not living the perfect American Dream could afford; and prevention instead of rehabilitation would be the method of choice in every country.


4. This immense outpouring of knowledge would make it obvious that just because a person doesn't have the exact same opinion as yours or dress the same or have the same amount of money or worship the same or have the same color skin - it doesn't make them wrong and you right. Voila, world peace.

I am now so out of breath I whisper "Thank you" while giving the judges my best Queen Elizabeth hand wave and walk backstage of the blog competition. There I find my fellow blogging contestants nervously waiting to hear who has made the final cut. We turn to each other and in our sweetest southern voices drawl, "I hope you win." "I hope you win."

I wonder if I can get Miss Congeniality? A girl can hope, can't she.

Below are the links to the other Blog Ninjas who are part of the Mystery topic challenge. Enjoy!

Blog Ninjas present The Mystery Challenge #4! The topic was proposed by Mr. President of Textual Relations, the winner of MTC #3. Below you will find all the entries for this challenge. Please visit and read them all. Once you've read all the entries, please vote for your favorite. Members of the forum may vote in the poll HERE. Guests can place their vote in this thread HERE. Voting concludes on Nov. 22nd.Leaf - Read MoreScott - Read MoreBunGirl - Read MoreGrumpamoose - Read Morefrom Reason to Freedom (4 entries)Peter Namtvedt - Read MoreBob Bachus - Read MoreMichelle L. - Read MoreMJ Taylor - Read MoreJayne - Read MoreZybron - Read Morelonelygurl - Read MoreTooBIG - Read MoreAn Honest Woman - Read MoreStepford Mom - Read MoreShadyLady - Read MoreSome Go Softly - Read MoreDebaloo - Read MoreJan - Read More

Boats and Scouts and Bookies Oh my!

Okay, I've kept her under check but the SB in me slipped out last night and of all the places for her to show up...my son's very first Cub Scout Pack meeting.

Now I have to preface this by saying I have held off putting my boys in Scouting because of the organization's archaic views on the world today. This is not to say that boys don't gain from a good Scouting experience. I have met and worked with some great Eagle Scouts, so I see how it can be a good experience. Last night, however, was not a good experience.

My 7 year old had spent the past few weeks sanding, painting and assembling his little boat for the Rain Gutter Regatta. For anyone who is as new to this as I am here's the Regatta in a nutshell. Two rain gutters filled with water plus two boys with two boats and two straws. They race by using the straw to blow into the sail and whoever reaches the end first wins the heat. Cute huh? Simple huh? You'd thinks so.

The guy that was running the races just happened to pair all the 1st second and 3rd graders with the 4th and 5th grade boys who have been in Scouting for a while. Rain Gutter Ringers if you will.

After the 3rd race and the 3rd win for the boys in the brown shirts (4th & 5th grades) and the 3rd loss for the boys in the blue shirts (1st, 2nd and 3rd grades) one of the dad's turns to me and says "They do it like this every year." Note - he did not seem pleased.

So, the SB in me walks up to 'Joe Laptop' who is running the heats and says "It might be nice if you change the order and let the little guys race with the little guys and the big with the big. That way it would be a little more fair." He then looked at me as if I had just thrown up on his shoes and continued to call the next brown shirt, blue shirt race.

At that point I started to take bets that the tall kid in the brown shirt with the amazingly detailed boat with (and I am not lying here) rigging, flags and a mast that really lit up, would win the trophy. And he did. Second and third place also went to the older Scouts.

Not only that, but the same boy also won for 'best in show' where his small scale version of something reminiscent of the Titanic was put up against the little boys boats with fish stickers and fingerprints on their sails.

After it was over I saw 'Joe Laptop' cozying up to Titanic boy's mom and I knew one thing. I better get to Vegas and place some bets before the Pinewood Derby hits.

Recipe for fun (and injury)

• Combine 9 cousins ranging from about 7 up to 12 years old
• Mix with 1 large, steep hill covered with trees
• Add 2 old car tires (one preferable a snow tire) and a wheel barrow
• Simmer with way too much free time, imagination and stupidity...and voila!

Rollers, Runners and Stoogies

If you are anything like me, the Fall air just does something that brings out the kid in you. I'm brought back to autumn days out at our Wisconsin cottage (or lake home as the Minnesotans say) that was jointly owned by our very fertile Italian side of the family.

When you get that many people all in one place there just has to be some activity to burn off the energy that builds up. And this, my friends, is how Rollers, Runners and Stoogies was born.

Here's how you play:

1. Two kid stand at the top of a steep, tree-lined hill armed with old tires (Rollers)


2. Two more kids stand directly in front of those tires (Runners)


3. Two unfortunate kids crouch behind a wheel barrow tipped on its side at the bottom of the steep, tree-lined hill (Stoogies)

The object of the game is for the Rollers to roll the old tires down the hill at the Runners with as much force as they can possibly manage. The Runners must then run their asses off in an attempt to avoid being bowled over by said tires. They are only allowed to run to the side and dodge the tires after they pass two trees at the very bottom of the hill.

Alas the Stoogies main purpose it to catch the careening tires before they make it into the swamp and lake just beyond the wheel barrow of terror.

Here's a little hint from my cousin Mark - Only chase the tires after they pass the wheel barrow. Do not, I repeat, do not peek over the top of the wheel barrow to see if they are coming. Oh yes, and don't wear your good shoes.

I never did get run over by the dreaded snow tire but the faint whisper of tread marks on the back of my thigh proves how close I came. If Nintendo game systems had come along years ago I may never have had the memories, and the scars to prove I had a fun childhood.

Copping out for Halloween

It was one of those days on the job when you were working hard, minding your own business and BAM! a co-worker takes pity on you and sends you a computer link that makes you laugh. So I thought it would be fun to share a couple of my favs with you. My selfish motive for doing this is to save a very tired blogger from coming up with something witty to write this evening. Sit back, watch these clips and thanks for the break.

Clip #1 is from You Tube for the Harry Potter fans in all of us. Especially those who want to see the Hogwarts adventures acted out with puppets. The episode that caught my eye was The Mysterious Ticking Noise - a sort of wizard mini-operetta.

Clip #2 - Now here's a real scary one (in my opinion) from the Joe Cartoon website called Happy Mothers Day. I find it frightening because I am sure I am watching my sons in about 10 years. Check out my sidebar for a link to other Barats And Bereta videos. I love these guys.

Oh yes and before I forget:

Looking for John

WARNING: Serious blog about death (and Life) but not depressing or morbid. If you have never lost someone close - it may not be the blog for you.

I am sorry about my lack of blogging for the past few days but I find myself caught up in thoughts of my brother. John died suddenly and unexpectedly right after Easter. He was 50 years old, which may seem like ancient to some but is quite young in the scheme of things.

When I got the call I was shocked and hurting. I drove back to Wisconsin and did my best to help my boys understand the loss of their Uncle along with attempting to comfort my parents through the devastating death of their only son. A painful and unbelievable time.

Our whole family rallied around us like a large, downy quilt doing their best to soften the blow. Our extended family of friends showed up in droves to give us their tears and their support. It was truly moving.

So, it amazes me that it is only now, months later, that I really feel the loss. I think time tends to magnify the void left, emphasizing how a loved one is now beyond our reach. There are no phone calls or cards on birthdays and holidays. There are the million times I stop myself in the middle of saying, "I gotta remember to tell John this, " or "I bet John would like that for Christmas."

The memories of him that pop into my head are not what I would expect. They usually involve him as a kid verbally insulting me or beating the crap out of me. No one would mistake us for Donnie and Marie. My brother and I were not close as kids. In fact, I think he found me annoying at best. Our temperaments were different, our interests were different and I was looked on as inferior in every way.

But as he got older he mellowed and found a real respect for who his little sister had become. I asked him to be Godfather to my youngest and he checked in on me regularly through the long demise of my marriage. I realized he did not want to be seen as soft-hearted - but he was. I began to appreciate his wit and intelligence and he told me how he was amazed that I hadn't become bitter, but showed real courage during great adversity.

Had we not been brother and sister, we may never have been friends - but families don't work that way do they. Often you are completely unique people with the same last name. I once read that everyone is born into a different family, meaning each person that comes into it changes it before the next arrives. Our childhood days aside, I'm glad John arrived before me. I wish he didn't leave so soon because I believe he never got the chance to finish the changes he was meant to make in all of our lives. I miss him.

Rest in peace J.D.

Finding my digital womanhood

In college at the start of the 80's the only people who had regular access to any kind of computers were the ones majoring in communication technology. In my freshman year I happened to date a senior who fell into this category. I actually saw the inside of the forbidden computer lab!

This was pretty heady territory for a theater arts major. I knew then and there I would never be tempted to learn how to use a computer. I was too pure to be caught up in the technology lure. I was saving myself for Shakespeare and Ibsen, not to be trifled with by clicks and bytes.

Well, it's pretty obvious isn't in? College life changes you. I fell in love.

I am not a technological virgin anymore. I guess you could say I succumb and lost my "apple" quite a few years back. Hey, don't look down on me. The fact that you are reading this blog on a computer puts you in the digital slut or pimp category as well. You know we gotta have it.

We gotta have it, email it, blog it, vlog it, podcast it, download it, upload it and stream it.

Does anyone else need a cigarette?

It seems like a million years since the days when my cousin Teri and I would sit out on the lawn chairs in my folks backyard playing with my Say it Play It tape recorder. It was made almost entirely of red plastic and had these little yellow plastic tape cartridges on which you could record about 20 minutes of dialogue. We used it to create our own parodies of the Watergate trials. We thought we were so cool. The Jon Stewarts of our day.

Ah, but the innocence of youth is fleeting. Last year I discovered that my then ten-year old was using his school bus rides home to make satirical videos about George Bush and the gang on his friend's Mac laptop and iSight camera. I'll admit I was shocked. We hadn't even had "the talk" yet. They grow up so fast these days.

Mary Tyler Moore had it easy

Dating.


I need to pause here to see if I want to tackle this subject. After the divorce last year I can't say I was eager to date. I figured I'd better get my kids' lives more settled and get my own shit together before I think about that Pandora's Box again.

However, I have started thinking about it.

It's been a while since I dated and I really need some advice from blog readers out there...Your thoughts on the current dating environment...Your gentle advice...Your strict warnings.

I think it only fair to give you a snapshot my past experiences. I dated a decent amount in my life, but only had a few of what I would call memorable relationships; those included:

• The absolute perfect guy who unfortunately set the bar so high it's been impossible to reach since.
• The guy that turned out to have two personalities - #1 mild mannered Clark Kent, #2 a velociraptor.
• The cute, fun guy who was not really sure of his sexual preference and wanted me to decide for him. (Girls, never, ever, decide for them).
• Two summer romances that were great. One of them I still miss.
• My Ex. His description will not fit in a blog. Suffice it to say that if some people have baggage, he owned a chain of luggage stores.

So there you have it. When I moved to Minnesota I felt a little like Mary Tyler Moore starting a new life and career. I married and that didn't work out as planned. Now I identify much more with Rhoda (a good example of a TV SB). So if anyone has a good tale to tell or some sound advice to share. I'm listening.